Marriage for the Wrong Reasons = Divorce
When a couple gets married for the wrong reasons and ignores red flags in their relationship, why are they surprised when their marriage falls apart ?.If you have problems in your marriage that are causing conflict, anger, and a sense of betrayal, learn how to fight fairly and handle conflict in a healthy way. You can save your marriage.
Deal With Conflict
Throughout your marriage journey with each other, the two of you will face the proverbial forks in the road. When you are at these crossroads, some of the decisions may be serious and life changing. Years later other forks in the road in your marriage will be hardly remembered. All the forks in the road will require you to make a decision.
You know you are facing a fork in the road in your marriage when you realize if the two of you don't make a decision to go one way or the other you will hit a brick wall. Sometimes you have a pretty good idea of where the paths lead. Other times you may feel as if you are leaping into a deep canyon without any idea of how far you have to jump.
The Secret About Forks in the RoadThe most important thing to remember about forks in the road is to not hide your heads in the sand. When you come to a fork in the road, make a decision. Other tips to handling forks in the road:Accept that change happens and realize that not all forks in the road have negative consequences
.If the fork in the road is due to the death of a loved one, allow yourself and your spouse the time and space to grieve. Accept that you both may grieve the loss in different ways.If the fork in the road is caused by a natural disaster such as a flood, hurricane, fire, or earthquake, be realistic about what you can and can't do and don't be in a rush to replace items.
Keep a monthly journal. List the important decisions you make. Did you move, lose a job, get ill, purchase a pet, let go of a dream, have a child, have an extended visit from your in-laws, face a financial crisis, handled an issue such as pornography or infidelity in your marriage, take a vacation? At the ending of each year, reflect back on the year and talk with each other about the way the two of you handled the many forks in the road that you faced together.
What Forks in the Road Have You Faced?Most forks in the road are unexpected although you can foresee some forks in the road such as when your last child leaves home or if one of you decides to return to college.
As we look back on our years together, some of the forks in the road that have impacted our marriage and changed our lives include the birth of our children, the death of three of our babies, our divorce and remarriage, going back to college, illness and recovery, deciding to move, changing jobs, becoming an empty nest couple, coping with aging parents, fires, and remodeling our home. What forks in the road have you faced together?
Top 10 Things Husbands Want From Their Wives
In no particular order, here are ten things that many husbands want from their wives.
Note that these are "wants" -- not emotional needs. As individuals, we are each responsible for filling our own emotional needs.
We believe that the four basic emotional needs are the need to be loved and to love; the need to belong; the need for a good self-image; and the need for autonomy.
1. Believe in His Capabilities: Many men believe it is important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let him know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him.
2. Understanding :One of the ways you can both tell and show your husband that you want to understand him is by making a commitment to daily dialogue with him. Daily dialogue only takes 20 minutes out of your day. Isn't your husband worth 20 minutes each day?
3. Affirmation of His Accomplishments :Most guys like to be patted on the back. Compliment your husband often. Just don't over do it with sicky sweet oozes of how great he is. That type of affirmation will backfire.
4. Acceptance :Many husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. Realize that the only person that you can change is yourself.
5. Less Chatter :If your husband is tired, or involved with a project, and you really want to talk to him about something, get to the point. If he wants the details of the topic, he will ask for them.
6. Affection :Hold your husband's hand in public, leave a message of love on his voice mail, massage his shoulders, give him an unexpected kiss. Men like to be romanced too!
7. Respect :Show respect for your husband by not making negative comments about his thoughts and opinions, by being considerate of his plans, and by avoiding the "eye roll" when listening to him.
8. Free Time :Most everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. When your husband first gets home from work, allow him some free time to unwind. Don't over-schedule his days off with projects around the house.
9. Trust :Trust is vital in the success of a marriage. If you are having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling and not spying.
10. To Be a Companion :Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover, but also your friend. Staying friends and companions through the years requires that you find ways to make time together and to do things together.
Although there are many ways to improve your marriage, this list of five things you can do to improve your marriage is centered around major red flag issues that can tear your marriage apart:
Lack of respect for one another
Lack of time with each other
Lack of sexual desire for one another
Lack of sharing responsibilities
Lack of having agreed upon financial goals.
